not so bad today

it's been over 2 years since my ex-wife left and it still hurts every day. a few weeks ago a good friend of mine asked me if i still thought about her and i said "every day". while i was going through the divorce a coworker that i look up to told me that besides the death of a loved one, this is the worst thing that would ever happen to me, he was right. do you ever get over something like this? can you give your whole heart to someone and still have some left to give someone else when they break it? i see others who have moved on and found love again, but it seems like i never will. the loneliness is consuming, even as i'm with other people i still feel lonely. my self image isn't very good either and i don't feel good enough for anyone. i told a friend that i was tired of being lonely and she asked what i was doing about it and i told her that i didn't know what to do and she said neither did she. i wish there was some formula that i could follow like; marriage years + divorce time = how long it takes to find love again, or something like that. at least then i'd know how long i had to wait. i know i have to be okay with myself before i can let someone else in, but i'm not, and i'm so tired of being lonely. it doesn't hurt as much as it used to. now it's like an old injury, like a broken ankle, mostly it doesn't hurt, but as soon as you try to use it you remember exactly why you haven't put any strain on it for a while. i know i have a long way to go, but i wouldn't have made it this far without family and friends to help me along. from "we don't like her" to a couple of offers to beat her up, and milk and cookies at 2am. i'm very grateful for the help i have received. you don't know who really loves you until something like this happens. i know some day i'll be needed again, but until then i have to just keep getting better, and at least now i know that with a little help from my family and friends, and the man upstairs, i'll make it.